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Inspirational Quotes, Slightly Modified (Part Two!)

"New York: If you can make it here, you can probably make it cheaper in China or Taiwan."

"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, at least you went to space."

"Find something you love to do and you'll never have to work a day in your life. Unless what you love to do is drugs, in which case you'll have to hustle."

"It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness. It is even better to just bring a flashlight."

"Every artist was first an amateur. Then they got a really savvy agent."

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Then, probably, a few more steps, then a short drive, then a plane ride. Or maybe a train. It's up to you."

"Do not go where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path, but bring GPS, otherwise you might get lost."

"Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal. Bears, too. Bears are also frightful things."

"Until you spread your wings, you'll have no idea how far you can fly. DISCLAIMER: This inspirational saying applies only to winged creatures."

"Only dead fish go with the current. Ok, well that's just plain not true, right?"

"Remember, amateurs built the the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic. Also, remember, one of those things actually existed."

"When the world says 'give up,' hope whispers 'try one more time.' So says the schizophrenic."

"Pain is just weakness leaving the body. It may also, though, be a serious injury, so get that shit checked out."

For more comedy, follow Joe on Twitter!

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