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7 Odd Vending Machine Items

I often remark to myself, 'Gosh, if only there was a vending machine filled with these!' when I find myself in need of odd items, like eggs and used panties. Now... look no further!


I don't know about you, but I often find myself craving eggs. Sometimes I'll wear cargo pants just to carry a few along with me. I can see this vending machine doing great in the states!

2. Hair Straighteners

My girlfriend often doesn't bother to straighten her hair until we are already out. She carries a straightener in her purse, then when we are at dinner we ask for a table near a power outlet so she can do her hair, so this one really makes sense to me. I wish they had a blow dryer too, so I could deal with my bad case of swamp ass.

3. Live Lobsters

Winning your date a teddy bear at the fair is no longer "cute" or "cherished" by today's women with their high standards. Now if you really want to impress a girl, you need to catch her a lobster and kill it in front of her with her bear hands. Then she can carry around with her and always cherish it.

4. Soccer Balls

The other day I got in a big fight with some guys on the subway. If I had a vending machine full of soccer balls, I could have purchased a few to kick at them, rather then running away flailing my arms and yelling 'RAPE! RAPE! RAPE!'.

5. Bicycles

Ever since I got my training wheels taken off a few weeks ago I've been really into biking. Sometimes I find myself needing to walk more than a mile at a time, and I often thing, 'Boy, if only I could buy a bicycle right now!'. This vending machine would really solve that problem.

6. Shoes

It's common knowledge that it isn't cool to have a scuffed pair of kicks. If they could just put a vending machine for shoes on the corner of every block, I could just repurchase a new pair of shoes each time I get a mark on them. People would start saying to me on the streets, 'Hey You! You're so fresh, and so clean!'. I'd wave back and be sure to write it down in my diary that night before bed.

7. Used Panties

Your days of having to break into women's houses to get a fresh pair of used panties are OVER! Just take the short trip over to Asia where you can find vending machines selling just that! You can tell that they are authentic and used because they come with real, authentic skid marks! A few whiffs of these panties and you're off to heaven.

If you liked this article, and my whit and charm, be sure to hit like and share it on Facebook with all your random acquaintances you added and forgot about!

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