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Facebook Trends That Need to Happen

If you have a Facebook account (you’re using the Internet, so, odds are, you do) then you know that a great many people hopped on the “change your profile pic to a cartoon from your childhood if you want to beat the shit out of child abuse” bandwagon last week. Now, all of this begs several questions: How will a picture of Slimer from the Ghosbusters defeat child abuse? Couldn’t we volunteer our time or donate to a charity instead? Why are my Facebook friends so shady that they actually had to make it clear that they are against child abuse? Shouldn’t that just be assumed?

These trends are common on Facebook. Some of them are for a cause; a bunch of people started generously donating their statuses to Barack Obama during the last Presidential election (“generously” being a relative term). Other times, they are basically random social games, like the current one in which people talk about the fond memories they associate with random numbers.

(That’s what’s going on, right?)

Anyway, we here at EvilChili are all about keeping up with the latest trends—pogs, Tamagotchis, listening to Coolio—and we thought we’d revolutionize the shit out of the internet by making up some of our own Facebook trends for people to follow. It’s up to you, our readers, to make sure these things take off.

Take a Stand Against Bad Music

Post the following message as your status:

“Statistics indicate that every year, millions of Americans buy a Nickelback album. At this time, there is no known cure for having a shitty taste in music. Post this as your status and keep it there for a week if you know someone who currently owns a Nickelback album or has one of their song’s on an iPod. Even one song is enough for infection to begin. By now you’ve probably realized that changing your Facebook status will have little to no effect on anything of significance in this world, but it will make you feel good about yourself, and that is what Facebook is all about.”

Love Jesus

Create an account for Jesus Christ. (God would have done so immaculately, but He doesn’t use Facebook yet.) Then change your relationship status to “In an Open Relationship with Jesus Christ.” This is to show that you are accepting of all religions, but still want to devote most of your love to the one you think will get you into Heaven. Don’t forget to leave Him a comment on His birthday, it’s coming up!

Make Your Pet Your Profile Pic!

Change your profile picture to a picture of your pet! This is to fight animal abuse or rabies or something like that, and also to show the world how cute Corporal Fluffy McNuggetpants is!

This One’s For you, Girls!

In your status, tell us where you like to eat chocolate! For example, “I like it in the kitchen,” “I like it in bed,” “I don’t like it because I’m allergic.” This is so you can think that guys don’t know what you are doing.

(We do. Google has been invented.)

Donate Your Status to an American Idol Candidate!

For a day, donate your precious status updates to your favorite American Idol candidate. Like any other time you “donated your status” (two years later and that shit is still sad), it’s not to help anyone or actually make an insightful statement. It’s to say, “Hey, look at my opinion!”

”Imagine” the Change You Want to be in the World

Post the song “Imagine” by John Lennon. This is to show that you support world peace and are very unoriginal.

Change it to Che!

Change your profile pic to Che Guevara! This is to show people that you are an idiot!

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