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A Few Short Messages Which Must Be Read

I feel like there are a few things which need to be addressed. Since the only people who use snail mail are either my ex-girlfriends with there "child support" or my Grandma with Alzheimer's sending Christmas cards once a month, they are delivered to you via the interweb.

Dear Twilight Fans,
Thank you for making us look sane and well-adjusted.
Sincerely, Trekkies.

Dear Buffy,
We have a new assignment for you. His name is Edward.
Sincerely, K.

Dear Nickelback,
That's enough.
Sincerely, The World.

Dear Facebook friends from high school,
I enjoy keeping tabs on how fat and unsuccessful you've become. Keep the misguided status updates and wholly unflattering photo albums coming.
Sincerely, Tina.

Dear Mom,
I'm 16 now, can I PLEASE get a bra?
Sincerely, your son, Justin B.

Dear Soccer Fans,
B B B B B B Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z!
Sincerely, Vuvuzelas.

Dear credit card,
Please stop being so easy to use. You are the sluttiest thing in my wallet.
Sincerely, Ms. F.

Dear person reading this,
You're here because you're actively procrastinating or avoiding real work, aren't you? It's too.
Sincerely, I'll work tomorrow.

Dear Cows,
Please continue to be tasty.
Sincerely, Chickens.

Dear Hipsters I work with,
Please stop with the skinny jeans. You look like really ugly girls.
Sincerely, No One Wants to See Your Balls.
Dear Camwhores of the Internet,
Please stop making that ridiculous-looking kissyface thing with your lips in every picture you post on Facebook.
Sincerely, The rest of the Internet.

Dear Mr. Matthews,
Please stop coming to my fence and asking for advice. We all have our problems like me wanting to water my plants in peace.
Sincerely, Mr. Feeny.

Dear microwave,
Why is my plate so hot and my food so cold?
Sincerely, Hans.

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